“And he looked up, and saw the rich men casting their gifts into the treasury. And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast in more than they all: For all these have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had.” Luke 21:1-4
“One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, saith unto him, There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many? And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciple to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would. When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost. Therefor they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves, which remained over and above unto them that had eaten.” John 6:8-13
What do those two Biblical accounts have in common? The subjects of the two gave to God what little they had, and with that little bit Christ blessed and multiplied their gifts. That is what I have always wanted to do with what I have available. In previous postings I have confessed to you that in recent years we have realized that my problem has been Asperger’s. Looking back over the years I at least know where some of my idiosyncrasies have come from. (In layman’s terms that means weirdnesses.)
I said that to go back to the part where I have always tried to give what I could and serve in the church as best I could. I know now, that when you cannot directly look people in the eyes that could very well be why some of the things I tried to do were not that successful in my eyes, but I believe that Christ can do with those things amazing things. Take this blogging thing for instance: I do not have all that many readers. There are readers out there though, and for those I am thankful. I pray that the inner thoughts of a weird, ultra-introverted, Asperger compounded believer can help in their walk, too.
I look back at my life and realize that God has always been beside me helping me along. In my late teens and through my twenties I was a church pianist. It was all I could do to get up in front of people and play (I am a mediocre pianist, at best), but I did it. Choir rehearsals for me were excruciating, but somehow, someway, when the song was sung it always sounded better than it did in rehearsal (I wasn’t any better, but apparently God stepped in and guided my hands).
In my forties my pastor asked me to take the senior adult Sunday School class. Good Grief! It was panic city! I consented, and for twenty years I agonized over the fact that I couldn’t really even look the people in the eyes good, that I was trying to speak to. I say speak to because these were the senior adults that knew more than I did. It turned out that I normally was just leading discussions. (I left out the part that because of my idiosyncrasies I have a really hard time studying.) It never failed though, no matter what the subject we were discussing, that something would all of a sudden pop into my brain from my past, or from something I had read that would lead or continue the discussion. (I did not do that. God did).
I said all that to say this: God continues to lead if you are willing to give yourself over. Do what you can with what you’ve got!
~AE
