Beautifully and Wonderfully Made for Such a Time as This

Most women do not understand other women who are quiet or introverted, especially if they are wives in ministry. Many women think you are “less than” if you are not a talented conversationalist with an outgoing, talkative personality.  Some women will even try to change you if you are not talkative — It makes them uncomfortable to be in silence.  I am one of those quiet people.

I used to be a Christian missionary’s wife, but now my husband is a pastor, so I guess that makes me a pastor’s wife. People have placed such high expectations on the ministry wife. You are expected to be prim and proper at all times, able to stand up and speak in front of crowds like it’s no big deal, and you are expected to be able to teach a kids class at a moments notice. I am not that person. God did not gift me in those areas.

I didn’t grow up thinking “I have to get married and be a wife to someone in the ministry”, nor did I even go to school for the ministry.  Honestly, I never really wanted any of that.  Even as a young girl, I saw what the pressures ministry could do to people and I swore I would never marry a preacher.  Well, the Lord had other plans and I obeyed His will. So I married a man that was going to be a missionary, and I obeyed God’s will for me to love and follow this man wherever God sent him.

When we were missionaries we would travel the country raising support from church to church to go overseas full time as church planters. Most of the pastors, pastors’ wives, and congregations would expect the wife to be able to play the piano, teach a woman’s class, teach a kids class and be able to do anything their hearts desired.  I am not blessed in those areas, I would go to a women’s meetings and, without any advance notice, we would find out the missionary wives were supposed to speak. Then they would call my name and I was expected to stand in front of all these strangers and answer any question they would have, or sing or perform.  But, I am one of those people who’s mind will go blank in front of a crowd no matter its age or size.  So they would call my name, I would go stand in front of everyone, and then forget everything I knew about anything they asked.  I would stand there and look like a fool and an idiot who knows nothing.  I would go home and cry EVERY time thinking something was wrong with me since I couldn’t do all the things that a missionary’s wife was supposed to do.

I remember some churches we visited had missionary forums where all the missionaries and their wives sat in front of the whole church and or christian school students to answer questions that they might have.  I would usually always let my husband answer all the questions and just pray no one would ask me anything while I sat there quietly sweating and breathing hard with anxiety.  There was one time, in front of a middle and high school student body, some of the female students wanted to hear from the wives how we knew God wanted us in ministry.  So the mic was passed from lady to lady, with not a single one actually answering the question! They all just rambled on about how wonderful ministry is and how great it is to be a missionary’s wife and maybe some subjective nonsense about a “call of God” that no kid understands.  I was sitting there sweating and trying to breath properly knowing I would be the last to speak…. I was confused and frustrated why none of the ladies would give a sensible answer, but scared to death to speak because I had no clue what I was going to say. Then the mic was handed to me. What came out was really embarrassing at the time— I said, “I married him”, pointed at my husband, and then hastily handed the mic to him to get it out of my shaking hands.  Everyone died laughing.  Looking back now, I’m glad those words came out of my mouth and I know they were from the Lord.  You do not have to have a degree in ministry, or be a Bible scholar, or play the piano, or be able to perform on cue.  We are all created “for such a time as this”.   I know my answer was super simple to those kids that day but I am confident it helped at least one girl know that she is enough with God’s help.  And, it may have even helped at least one boy to know that if he goes into the ministry he can find someone that is willing to love him, follow him, and benefit him and the ministry even without all the “gifts” ministry wives are expected to have. 

People have always told me that I need to get over being quiet — that I shouldn’t be this way, and expecting me to be an eloquent public speaker, the perfect wife who is the perfect mother with a perfect home…  Well, you know what?  After years of thinking I was a terrible person and trying to be what people wanted while failing miserably, I have come to the conclusion: I AM HUMAN. I MAKE MISTAKES.  But, I am wonderfully and beautifully made and I have been made by God “for such a time as this”. I may not have the gifts that people expect for missionary and pastors’ wives, but God has divinely and uniquely gifted me, and it is beautiful, perfect, and just right. These last few years, I have learned how and when to say, “No, I can’t do that” without shame. God has given me a purpose in life, and has divinely and uniquely gifted me in the ways that He wants, not the way other people want.  We are all valuable, the talkers and the non-talkers, non-awkward and the awkward, the musicians and the non-musicians, the teachers and the non-teachers… 

People will always try to change what they don’t understand or aren’t comfortable around, so, I know there will always be those that will try to change me into something I am most definitely not meant to be.  I’m tired of it, but I’ve learned how to say no. I speak when I need to speak.  I get it, some can not comprehend introverts and assume it’s just being “shy’. But please do not try to make me like you.  It is God’s design that everyone is gifted so uniquely. If we were all talkers just talking over each other, this world would be very obnoxious.  Be thankful that there are both quiet and talkative people.  Be thankful that everyone has their own gifts and talents rather than trying to make people fit your personal expectations of them. I love taking care of my family, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling my kids, and being the best helper and lover to my husband that I am meant to be. I also love being behind the scenes serving, giving, and helping wherever I can. 

I hope this can help another woman or girl or man or boy know that quiet people can be just as effective in ministry even though they just might not be able to do the things people “think” they are supposed to be able do. Don’t try to change them — remember we are all beautifully and wonderfully made for “such a time as this”. 

SS